What is coaching?

My experience has been that most people do not grasp what I do for a living. I’ve been a life coach. I’ve been a business coach. I’ve been an executive coach. And yet, I get similar responses.

"It's like therapy, right?"

"I would take advice from you."

“Honestly, I don’t know what you do.”

And then there was this one, when I asked for a referral:

"I would never have the audacity to presume that someone would need a coach."

Yikes. 

These comments have not only been prevalent, but insightful into understanding what people think coaching is. Today, I want to share some big truths about coaching.

#1: Coaching is not therapy.

The most common misconception is that coaching is just like therapy. While therapy has innate value (I’ve been in therapy for years and I encourage my clients to simultaneously partake in it!), coaching serves as a complement to therapy. How? 

A therapist's typical function is to help a client fix their problems, overcome issues, and potentially manage mental illness. Coaches do not spend much time on problems and issues and do not address mental illness. We do not evaluate problems in a traditional way. Instead, we look at problems for what they are: opportunities. Opportunities to make a new choice, choose a new conviction, or convict an old pattern. We thrive on them. I get visibly giddy when a client offers me a problem!! Eeeeeee! Gimme!!!

A few other ways to understand the contrast:

Therapy is the process of moving from dysfunctional to functional. 

Coaching is the process of moving from functional to optimal. 

Therapy finds success through thinking. 

Coaching finds success through action. 

Therapy looks at the why. 

Coaching looks at the how. 

Make sense?

Because coaching is solution-oriented, we're looking at how to get where you need to go instead of discovering why it is the way it is. In a coaching mindset, the past is what it is. If the hang up is too much of a barrier, then coaches may decide in that moment to refer to a therapist.

#2: Coaching is not consulting.

The second most common misconception is that coaches are the same as consultants. The idea here is that we hold all of the answers to your life and business and we are going to tell you, step-by-step,  how to live your life.

I often hear my friends joke with me that they need a coach. Their basis is that I would dictate to them how to live and, therefore, they would live a better life. Now, for most of my friends, that's probably true. I probably should be telling them how to live because they're a bunch of dumpster fires. (KIDDING! Mostly!!) And hey, that's what friends are for. But in the coaching relationship, I wouldn't serve a client in that way.

Whereas the consultant has the answers, opinions, and perspectives from which they believe are the best, the coach holds the stance that you, the client, are the one that has the answers. We follow the goals, ideals, and dreams of the client.

A few other ways to understand the contrast:

A consultant is an expert at what they do. 

A coach is an expert at the coaching process. 

With a consultant, if there is disagreement between the client and the consultant, the consultant may press harder to get their expertise through. 

With a coach, if there is a disagreement between the client and the coach, the coach must take ownership that they are not on the right page and realign with their client. 

With a consultant, the consultant holds the power. 

With a coach, the client holds the power.

The beauty of coaching is allowing the client to direct the conversation, to explore the options possibilities, and to move forward knowing that this is the best answer they have. All of this comes from within the client.

Now, there are going to be times when the coach will offer advice or guidance, but it is all in place to serve the client, and only if the client feels it aligns with their desires and needs. The coach never assumes they know better. 

For example, when I do business coaching with entrepreneurs, I will often do so alongside my workbook that takes them step-by-step through best practices for business. These are best practices through my lens and perspective. If they’re not right for you, that’s the right answer for you and I respect that. (See how I’m not pushing my way on you?)

#3: Only damaged people need coaches.

Another misconception I often hear is that people that have coaches are broken. 

...well, you're right. 😁

The hard truth is, we are all broken. 🥺 We are all raised by damaged parents who did their best to raise us and, yet, we were still damaged in various ways. Our job is to recognize that damage, learn from it, and move on with our lives.

And guess what? Your work self is also broken. Every executive I’ve ever worked with is broken (sometimes the most broken). Clearly, it’s not at achieving work goals or they wouldn’t have gotten that far, but there sometimes is a mismatch of their own personal values to their lived experience at their job.

As a way of better frame coaching, understand that today’s coaching bore out of a bygone era of strictly executive coaching. I'm talking CEOs, board directors, presidents of multimillion-dollar corporations, and the like. These people were at the top of their work game. They weren’t getting coaching because they were so broken that they couldn’t function; these people were getting coaching because they were working to unlock the abilities and excellence deep within them. Truly that's what coaching does--it unlocks your Inner Genius.

#4: I must have a specific problem or goal to hire a coach.

If you wait to hire a coach until you actually have a problem, you’ve already waited too long.  Problems don't arise out of nowhere. They fester until they're too big not to address. And if they're left unaddressed too long, the damage becomes so deep that a therapist or consultant may need to also get involved. The thing with inner turmoil is that it unconsciously works on you until you take the time to consciously work on it. 

I see a distinct and repetitive pattern with my entrepreneur clients, where we often start to triage the work issues, but it’s often quickly followed by triaging the human aspect that has been left unaddressed their entire lives. Only until these two elements are resolved can we get into the deep and powerful work of setting up the business for predictable success.

Even when things are going well, there is a great need for coaching. Coaching allows you to push on the accelerator, gently or assertively, so that you can have a more fulfilled and balanced life and career consciously, and sooner than you ever expected to.

I don't want you to wait until there is a problem to rectify it. It’s already there. The problem is mortality. ☠️ Life is too short to wait for you to focus on you.

And know this, I never, and I mean never, lack for a topic of discussion. So just because you can't come up with what you would talk about during a coaching session doesn’t mean I’d ever be in the same hole. I’m infinitely curious and have a deep well of questions and ideas for you. I have a couple million questions I can ask you to help understand and further your growth.

Let me just ask one of those questions here:

What is your life purpose?

….uh oh.

Didn’t expect this from a leadership coach, did you?

Can you answer that question right here, right now? I can and it’s very freeing to have this kind of compass. When you get me on the phone, feel free to ask me. I'm happy to share. (Hint: it’s on my home page.) 

#5: I cannot afford coaching.

This, my friend, is rarely the truth.

After speaking to many of my clients about this specific point, what often arises is not a financial matter, but instead a value matter. My clients have allowed themselves to believe that they're worth is not high enough to invest in coaching. 

That's a damn shame.

Listen, if money is what is holding you back, then do as my clients do: let's make it the primary focus of our coaching until it's not holding you back anymore. Let’s elevate your income, your priorities, and your worth so that you hold coaching (i.e. your progress) so dear that you wouldn’t dare consider giving it up. 

The next time someone says that they have a coach, stand impressed. They are invested enough in themselves to put their money where their mouth is, effects and real change, and move with their highest truths. Coaching is a journey of self-mastery.

Are you ready to embark on your journey? If so, reach out to me!